Four Themes in the Confidence Pillar:


1. Feeling Cared About

2. Growing the Inner Nurturer

3. Feeling Good About Yourself

4. Taking Life Less Personally

Topics covered in this pillar:


  • Understanding our natural needs as a profoundly social species for feeling seen, understood, recognized, included, valued, and other healthy “narcissistic supplies.”
  • Seeing the effects of meeting these needs in childhood: secure attachment, resilience, self-regulation, optimism, self-worth, and exploration.
  • Seeing the effects of not meeting these needs in childhood: insecure attachment, reactivity, poor self-control, pessimism, inadequacy, and withdrawal.
  • Understanding the effects of meeting these needs in adulthood – and not meeting them.
  • The toxic power of shame.
  • The distinctions between “person” and “ego.” Why persons need and deserve to be protected, happy, and loved.
  • Ways to internalize experiences of feeling cared about: feeling included, seen, appreciated, liked, and loved. How to do this without feeding the ego. Why caring for yourself as a person actually reduces the sense of ego.
  • Learning to soothe, nurture, and encourage yourself.
  • How to develop inner allies.
  • Dealing with the inner critic. Healthy remorse. Releasing shame and feelings of inadequacy.
  • Seeing yourself truly. Knowing that you are a good person.
  • How mindfulness and HEAL support each other.
  • Finding the sweet spot of receiving beneficial experiences while letting go of them. Why cultivation gradually undoes craving.

Also Featured:


Creative Activities:

The Critic and Your Caring Committee
A Confidence Mosaic


Paul Gilbert Interview